Dear Walmart,


Let me start by saying, I shop you a lot. A lot. And being that I am cheap by nature, I am a frequent consumer of your Great Value brand items. One item that I purchase from you with extreme loyalty is your disposable diapers. I have four boys under the age of 6, so we spend in diapers what some countries spend on education.

I came to choose your diapers by way of scientific experimentation. Pampers are great for newborn infants, but pricey, and tend to leak in larger sizes. Huggies bunch when small, but are pretty good for bigger kids. Luvs and Target brand Up & Up were perfect until my third came along with super sensitive skin—we’re talking chemical grade burns from those little blue inserts. So I settled with you, Wal-Mart, even though your diapers swell something awful with just a small amount of liquid.

Imagine my disappointment a few months ago when the right side adhesive tab on every diaper in one particular box would rip off upon application, rendering the diaper useless.

Imagine my frustration when a few boxes later, every diaper leaked tremendously, as though my children had been sitting in the tub with their clothes on instead of in their car seats.

But now you’ve gone too far. This new box of diapers has a worse flaw. After being even just a little wet, the gel-like insides explode out of the diaper upon impact. So yesterday when we were running late for church, instead of getting the children in the car, I was on my knees in my church clothes cleaning up pee-soaked flavor crystals from all over the floor.

Please consider how much I have spent in diapers alone in Wal-Marts throughout our great nation as you consider what you are going to do to make good on this situation.

Concerned customer,

4amusingmuses


4 Amusing Muses
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