Things I tell my old professional colleagues when they ask what I do now:
“I’m a domestic engineer.”
“I’m doing anthropological research on the effects of living with wild animals.”
“I actually haven’t officially stopped working the last two years, but with four kids someone always has strep, or stomach flu, or pinkeye, and I’m almost out of sick days…”
“You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? Well, as a twist, I decided to stay home myself and raise a tribe of children.”
“I really enjoy disposing of other people’s poop, and you’d be surprised at how few opportunities exist in marketing to do that in a meaningful way.”
“I’m one of those rare people who have a severe phobia of free time and personal space, so naturally this was a great fit for me.”
“I decided to stay home so I can concentrate on keeping an immaculate house and watching my figure, and…”—I’m sorry, I can’t even type that with a straight face.
Okay, so which of these should I put on my resume?