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The Method to my Madness

Sorry, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and now I’m on a roll…

  • The bed made earlier this morning.But later, the boys were practicing their emergency preparedness on and under the bed. Better safe than sorry.

  • Yes, I do recycle and care deeply about our environment, but I need those Walmart bags to dispose of nose-peeling diapers every day. I believe the containment of those poisonous fumes is some of the best work I do in my community.

  • I’ll admit, I do sit my children in front of the television from time to time. And they’re better for it. SpongeBob is a thinly veiled tribute to the diversity of sea life. Dora is a celebration of friendship and homage to the reality of the bilingual childhood explorer. Frozen is an eye-opening lesson on the effects of global climate change. My only concern is, are a couple of hours a day truly enough?

  • I wash all dishes once per day, due to the level three water restrictions in my county.

  • Correspondingly that is why my car has “Wash Me” written in the dust of the back window.

  • You call it bribery.I call it positive reinforcement behavior training.

  • PS—when you use mint-flavored, sugar-free candy, it is in fact bad for their teeth, and it soothes minor tummy discomfort while freshening breath.

  • They aren’t “fighting.” They are exploring the limitlessness of brotherhood in a physical way.

  • We have a strict “only one person allowed to sleep at a time” rule in this household, and my husband, as the head of the family, gets first dibs.

  • When you see me ignoring a screaming child in public, understand that I am on the 12th step of a scientifically-proven 13 step discipline process.I assure you that I hear it, and I dealing with it in the most effective manner possible. The thirteenth step? Leave the child at your house. That’s right, fix your face and back away.

I’m sure I can think of more if you have any questions.


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